Things I Can’t Do Now That I’m Married

Marrying my wife is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. But some things I did when I was single are no longer acceptable. Such as:

1. Using the large throw rug in the living room as a flat surface for ironing things like a tablecloth. But babe, this rug is clean. Yes, you’re right, we walk on it sometimes with our shoes. So it’s mostly clean…
2. Washing whites and colors together in the same load of laundry. The colors shouldn’t bleed into the whites…too much. I love you.
3. Spilling coffee on the couch and solving the problem by flipping the couch cushions over to the clean side. That’s not ok? Seemed like the smart thing to do. But it solved the problem, right?
4. Using a dinner plate as a serving platter and a soup spoon as a serving spoon when we have guests over. I don’t really think our guests will care
5. Drinking milk straight from the carton. But this is faster and easier.
6. Washing my shoes in the sink. Where else am I going to wash them?
7. Using body wash as my face wash and shampoo. But it does the same thing. Aren’t they all made of the same ingredients?
8. Using the coffee table and other living room furniture as a drying rack for my laundry. Yes, it could leave watermarks on the wood, but did it?
9. Putting the thermostat on anything less than sauna. But this is our house, not a sauna. And I’m burning up.
10. Crawling into bed with cold feet. But they’ll warm up, and I’m not wearing socks to bed

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Previously Published on medium

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